Tired Happiness Muscle

"If life was easy, it wouldn't be hard." -Sheri Dew


Sometimes I get too tired to be happy. It feels like happiness is a dance, but unfornately I'm human and can't dance for very long without losing stamina. Eventully I have to take a water break, sit down, chill. You can't dance 24/7. Heck you can't REALLY dance for 12/7 unless your an olympic athelete. Why can't happiness be the medium of emotion? It wears on you after a while when you are constanting working to hold up a bright face. No, it isn't always this way, there are times when I feel glorious just being alive. These frustrations have come as of late, and I rather despise it. My negative down-hill trails are too worn and it seems my mind is easily convinced to follow them. I.e....I'm bored...there is a whole world out there how am I letting myself be bored...why aren't I more initiative...I'm already entering a new stage of life and I'm not where I want to be...I am unsatisfied with my accomplishments...why am I whinning....why aren't I happy....this is stupid...I'm selfish....this is lame...I hate feeling this way....bleeeeeeehhhhhhhh

Wow enough of that. It is strange I am hesitant to write that thought train here because I'm afriad of what it shows about me as a person...I'm not perfect! What! Lol. I need some serious help. Maybe I should've gone to the shrink last week afterall...I kind of flaked 0ut on him. In fact I don't think I've apolojized for not showing up. Whoops. I really should be sleeping but I really don't want to. I am so negative why won't I grow up. There I go again...

This is worthless. What am I even doing.

I just want to feel good again. I mean, I feel good, but not content. Not happy. Except when I'm with people, I love people. I was definitely not made to be a hermit, because I hate being lonely. Life is splendid when I'm surrounded by the wonderful facinating people around me. Life is bleak when I'm alone. I am driving myself out of my mind! Shouldn't I be the one person I can always like?

This poor post is deteriorating in quality, if it ever had any to begin with.

I'm done complaining now. I'm going to go to sleep and wait anxiously for the sun to wake up so I can meditate under it's warmth. I love the sun. I think I've been indoors too much this summer. Vitamin D is dropping to low levels. Yay I can't wait for daylight!! Flowers! Porch swings! Trees! Barefeet in the grass!

So another half of me keeps feeling bubbley and excited for things in the future. Or from happy memories in the past. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I keep swinging back and forth, this is ridiculous.

I feel sorry for whoever has to put up with me these days.